Croc! (UK 2022: Dir Paul W. Franklin) Although director Paul W. Franklin is a relatively new name within British Fantastic Film circles, his producers Scott Jeffrey and Rhys Waterfield definitely aren’t, and sadly the formulaic approach taken by Jeffrey’s monster movie output is present and correct in this creature feature.
After the obligatory prologue where two horny campers get despatched by a waiting crocodile, we flash forward to meet Dylan (Mark Haldor), an environmental crusader whose wife was killed in Africa, but who’s on the rebound. Dylan is the father of brittle Lisa (Sian Altman) who, with her friends, has rented a wedding venue out in the country – the same venue where the previous campers met their ends.
Lisa’s intended is Charlie (George Nettleton) who, on the evening before their wedding, decides to sow his last wild oats with Lisa’s friend Georgie (Beatrice Fletcher). Grabbing a chance for a quick one, the pair are surprised by the arrival of the croc who chows down on Georgie; a blood soaked Charlie makes his escape and covers the whole thing up, fearing the exposure of his infidelity. The following day the wedding party are assembled, minus Georgie; the rampaging croc gatecrashes the party and the rest of the guests fight to stay alive as the giant amphibian wreaks havoc.
If you’ve seen as many of Jeffrey’s films as I have you’ll recognise that he only has one creature feature template. The croc effects here are better than some of his movies and I was delighted (ok that’s a bit strong, more interested) to see that at one point the venue’s swimming pool is used for some water based croc attack scenes. Fans of low budget Brit cinema may recognise this as the same pool used in Dominic Nutter’s 2022 movie Blood in the Water, which also features a crocodile! You're gonna need a bigger pool etc etc.
Croc! can’t really decide whether to be tongue in cheek or not; a cast who mostly play it straight don’t help here (but as they’re nearly all Jeffrey veterans they’re pretty practised at this) but the second half ramps up the comedic possibilities of the ludicrous setup. Favourite line: “The Lord moves in mysterious ways” says the presiding vicar. “Oh yes. He put a killer in the middle of fucking Hampshire!” is the response. Oh please yourselves.
Jack Frost (UK 2022: Dir Liana Failla) It's a Jagged Edge production, for ITN distribution, so it's Scott Jeffrey behind the scenes for yet another people-trapped-in-a-youth-hostel seasonal shocker.
Taking a leaf out of the Poohniverse movies, Failla's debut feature kicks off with a slice of sketchily illustrated legend, with Jack Frost an exiled assistant to Santa Claus who goes all evil, starts a war and is dismembered for his insolence. Jack recovers his various body parts, ready to wreak destruction again, except for one hand, and regularly comes back to earth to recover it. The hand is kept hidden by a family who are the descendants of Mr and Mrs Claus (Mrs C died in the war).
In present day Blighty Pepper (Lauren Staerck) has grown up in a family that are not allowed to celebrate Christmas because of a massacre 50 years previously occasioned by Jack Frost. This year Pepper and her family, including Jagged Edge regular Nicola Wright as mum Alba, are being joined by relatives, including Laura (Sarah Cohen, another JE familiar face, in her second seasonal horror movie of the year) and the Christmas boat is being pushed out. But Jack chooses this moment to come back to earth for his hand. Meanwhile Pepper and Laura steal away for an illicit drinking session in the woods; well you can guess what happens next.
Despite the rather good Christmas atmosphere and some gore which might be more impressive if it was better lit, this is the usual combination of social drama and running around screaming that those familiar with JE productions will recognise. Jack's mask is quite impressive but doesn't allow any vocal movement; the overdubbed Jack's voice is a combination of cheeky and slightly menacing, and somehow seems too posh for the head in which it's stuck (oh and the arrival of the demon is announced via some cheesy heavy metal guitar). I'm sure none of this is meant to be taken seriously, but it's also rather humourless.
Powertool Cheerleaders vs the Boyband of the Screeching Dead (UK 2022: Dir Pat Higgins) Higgins, a talented and versatile director, took a break from filmmaking duties after this. And I'm maybe not surprised. It's his most ambitious work to date, a scrappy but loveable zombie musical with a freewheeling approach and a heart of gold.
Emily (Charlie Bond), a girl with a fear of cheerleading courtesy of her murderous pom pom wielding granny, becomes one at the encouragement of her boss. Joining a cheerleading group naming themselves Power Cheer, comprising Brianna (Carrie Thompson), Ashley (Liz Soutar), Olivia (Megan Rose Buxton) and single parent Mackenzie (Faith Elizabeth), the girls are tutored by the icy Chloe (Dani Thompson), and as a result end up on a TV talent show called 'Spotlight Chasers'. Their competitors are a boyband, 'Starmen', fronted by Emily's sort of ex Hunter (played by James Hamer-Morton). But a powerful charm, obtained by Emily from granny and finding its way into the hands of the opposition, deploys its powers when 'Starmen' are mortally wounded in a car crash. Resurrected to a zombie state, keen now for human flesh as well as the talent show trophy, it's a fight to the death between the rotting lads and the Power Cheer team.
I had the privilege of seeing this film's premiere as part of an excited audience, including well lubricated members of the cast and crew. And it's probably the best environment to see it; viewed at home, it's scrappiness is more apparent, but it's still a wild and ambitious ride. Songwriting wise Higgins, along with Hamer-Morton, skewers the power ballad as well as the west end stage stomper, the cast enthusiastically vocalising irrespective of singing talent; it's just not that kind of movie but, viewed some years on, it finds a more contemporary analog in the knowing songs of 2023's Barbie. The cast are, of course, excellent, a virtual who's who of 2020s British fantastic film, and Higgins directs with real comic flair. This remains excellent stuff.
Amityville Scarecrow 2 (UK 2022: Dir Adam Cowie) Fans of
Amityville Scarecrow - I see you at the back - will be thrilled that somebody - ok Scott Jeffrey - decided that a sequel to Jack Peter Munday's 2021 movie was needed.
AS2 scores points for being faithful to all those rotten 'we-absolutely-didn't-need-them' sequels, resurrecting the thought demised Scarecrow from the first movie.
It's two years since the events in Amityville Scarecrow. The bestrawed killer is no more; owners of the Amityville campsite, sisters Tina (Amanda-Jade Tyler) and Mary (Kate Sandison) - both still sporting blink and you'll miss 'em American accents and reprising their roles from the first flick - decide to resurrect the attraction for a new generation of glampers. Along comes Harriet, Mary's daughter (Sofia Lacey, also in the first AS) and a bunch of disposable twentysomethings, including Harriet's BF Dylan (Dan Robins), and it's not long before the Scarecrow is back, carving up the camp staff.
Jeffrey bizarrely decided in the first movie that the Amityville site would be removed from its New York state location to Kent in order to utilise the name for hapless folk looking for the latest haunted house movie. Cowie, presumably following the Jagged Edge production company requirements, continues the deception, even including a campfire storytelling sequence in which the DeFeo murder spree is recounted. The result is formulaically pitiful: domestic drama; camp counsellors getting it on (thanks Chrissie Naked Attraction Wunna for leaving the kids at home and getting nekkid again); running and screaming; mild entrails related gore. Just hopeless.
Dreaded Light (UK 2022: Dir Mark MacNicol) Dreaded Light is MacNicol's first feature, a confident, slow burn piece centred on a bereaved father and his troubled daughter.
Duncan (Adam Robertson, simply 'Dad' in the credits) has recently lost his wife to cancer, leaving him in sole charge of the stables she used to run, and daughter Michelle (Rachel Flynn), who suffers with Heliophobia; literally an irrational fear of sunlight (perhaps unsurprisingly Michelle's choice of home viewing is Werner Herzog's Nosferatu).
Dad has his own battles, namely an over reliance on 'jazz Woodbines' to get him through the day, and an inability to sleep upstairs because of painful memories. A chance meeting with a woman taking riding lessons, Jen (Kirsty Strain, Anna and the Apocalypse) takes an unusual turn when the woman discloses that she is a medium, a fact which sceptical Duncan dismisses.
Michelle's behaviour grows more problematic; suffering from seizures, from time to time she appears so different as to be almost possessed. Running out of options, Duncan has little choice but to consult Jen and ask for spiritual help.
Don't go running away thinking that Dreaded Light is a straightforward spook story; there are definitely 'fantastic' elements to it, but above all the film is an exploration of grief and human frailty. Essentially a three hander, MacNicol handles the more 'out there' elements of the story carefully, keeping events (and character motivations) believable. Filmed on location in Scotland and with a local cast who rarely put a foot wrong (it even has a score by one member of Scots band 'BMX Bandits'), this is one of those undiscovered movies that demands a wider audience. Gripping stuff.
Dinosaur Hotel 2 (UK 2022: Dir Jack E, Bell) In which Scott Jeffrey, of Jagged Edge Productions, creates his own franchise, spreading the love by allowing various directors from the JE stable to have a go at an instalment.
In 2021's origin movie
Dinosaur Hotel we met a gamesmaster who created a scenario whereby contestants, in search of a grand prize, had to outwit and survive the attacks of dinosaurs. At the end of that movie the gamesmaster had been eaten by his own beasts while several of the contestants, including Sienna (Chrissie Wunna), had survived the ordeal.
In the sequel we're some years in the future; 2032 to be precise. The game has upped the ante; there's a new gamesmaster, already disillusioned Eddie (Marcus Massey) and the show is now broadcast on TV, with viewers placing bets on the likely winner. Behind the scenes the shadowy Morgana (Gillian Broderick), who's pulling the strings, is also doing a bit of inside betting. Oh and the dinosaurs now include the winged variety, meaning that the predation can take place outdoors. The sequel opens as the last two contestants of a game (JE regulars Samantha Cull and Julia Quayle) battle it out to the finish. But the show is losing ratings, Eddie is off his game and the series producers want to try something new.
Sienna is invited to be a contestant on a special livestreamed reunion show, where the prize fund is $10 million. Listening to the concerns of her kids she refuses, but the powers that be kidnap them to force her to participate, where she joins the winners of the other seasons in the ultimate battle, a motley and occasionally psychotic bunch, many who have also been lured there against their better judgement.
While there's a script reference to the film being set in Colorado, USA a clearly shown sign for 'Beacon Hill Fort' places the 'action' in Essex. No mind; this is a fun development of the original film. "At first we had to be scared of dinosaurs: now we have to be scared of each other," summarises Sienna, and she's right; more time is spent with contestants trying to off each other, 'Hunger Games' style, than dealing with the poorly animated raptors. Not overly demanding, but DH2 has something to say about TV audiences' demand for onscreen unpleasantness, and the cast do 'threat' pretty well.
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